Robert bemoaned the fact that all the important women in his life had left him. He consequently decided that women are undependable and unwilling to commit. Robert was unaware of his deepest beliefs about himself and others. He subconsciously believed that people he really cared about, especially women, would leave him because he was not important or worthy enough for them to stay. Because Robert was unaware that he carried this belief he thought that the problem was with women, not with himself. He was unaware that he had programmed himself to be abandoned, so he continued to enter relationships with women whose beliefs set them up to leave him. When I suggested this to Robert, he said, “I don’t choose these women. They chose me.”
As Robert continued to examine his beliefs he realized that he attracted this type of woman because of certain ways he communicated with them. Once the women responded it appeared to him that they were “making the first move.” After he was in the relationship, Robert chose to stay.
In reality Robert’s subconscious beliefs about himself and others dictated his pattern of broken relationships. He was able to see this, understand the source of his programming, and reprogram himself. Now he is in a relationship that is supportive and lasting.
Like Robert, all of us are influenced daily by our subconscious beliefs. If you do not like the nature of your relationships, consider the possibility that you are creating your relationship problems without realizing it.
Wendy Hill, MA, PhD (2013) San Diego therapist, psychotherapy, hypnosis, life coach