As a therapist practicing hypnotherapy and psychotherapy in Encinitas, California I talk to people all over the country and sometimes the world. A lesson we all need to learn is how to accept the changes that occur in our lives.
None of us like change and yet we are forced in life to deal with constant change. Sometimes you are confronted with a disturbing challenge in life. Things are always changing. Yet, you frequently resist, causing yourself much pain. If you understand the beauty of change and learn to trust it, you can learn how to benefit from
Change is everywhere and is expressed in all that you do, are, and experience. It is inevitable. All that you behold is in transition. Your body is constantly changing. Throughout your life your breath unceasingly flows in and out. Everything “breaths”-your cells, your environment, the people around you, your thoughts,
your emotions, your relationships. The circumstances in your life are ever changing. Everything is in some stage of becoming or unbecoming, being born or dying. The earth and atmosphere are constantly changing. The universe is expanding. You are growing older. The chair you sit in is aging.
Change is as natural as is the fear of change. Why do humans fear something that is so natural? Some changes in your life have been painful. Everyone has experienced pain as a result of one of life’s transitions. Perhaps one of your first painful experiences associated with change occurred at your birth. Birth is a transition-a major change. If your birth was difficult, you would have that memory deeply placed within your mind and body. Any experience that reminds your subconscious mind of the difficulty of your birth will send you warning signals. They will cause you to resist whatever change is occurring in the present. Change can be associated with pain and loss. You learn to fear certain changes because of their association with pain and loss. So the fear of change is learned.
There are many changes you enjoy. For example, you may enjoy listening to music. The changes of key, rhythm, and tone can be pleasurable, even inspiring. The experience of drifting off into sleep can be comforting. The change of the seasons can be reassuring. But if any of these changes remind your subconscious mind of a previous experience associated with pain or loss, you will resist. For example,
certain music can cause you pain. Going to sleep can be frightening. Seasonal changes can feel threatening. It is natural to resist pain, and you resist anything your mind associates with pain. Your resistance to these normally enjoyable experiences is caused by the memory of past pain.
Your resistance to change may also manifest in relationships with other people, especially those closest to you. For example, the loss of a parent or friend may have caused you to suffer. If you have not healed the loss through the natural process of grieving, you will subconsciously fear the loss in other relationships. To
keep yourself safe from this, you will attempt to control the relationship. You may say, “Don’t ever change. I love you just the way you are.” This places a burden upon yourself and your loved one. Because it is not natural to stay the same, a kind of “death” or stultification occurs. It is best to accept the changes of mood,
taste, desire, age, etc. in a relaxed and natural way. If you do not and you resist the natural changes, you risk illness and depression.
You can move more easily with your experiences if you heal your past painful associations with change. This will allow life to flow effortlessly through you and around you. The less you resist change, the more you will enjoy life. You will find joy in change. As you can enjoy the different phases of a flower’s life from bud, to full blossom, to withering and dried petals, you can enjoy the changes in your own life. Each phase of the flower’s life has its own kind of beauty. If you fear aging or death you may find the withering and dead petals to be ugly. You will miss their beauty. If you see aging and death as natural and good then you will see beauty in every stage of the flower’s life. If you accept all changes as natural, you will accept the different phases of your own life including aging and death.
The acceptance of change does not mean that you should not attempt to take charge of your life. There are times when it is best to assert you own will. There are other times when you should simply accept and allow things to flow in their own natural way. It takes wisdom to know the difference. For example, it may be
wise for you to tell a friend that he or she is making a mistake. There may be other times when it could cause damage to do so. The more you have healed your fear of change, the more clear you become on which direction to take. This wisdom comes from healing your association with your past painful changes.
Consider your own thoughts. If you observe your thoughts for a few minutes, you will find that they constantly flow one to another. One thought dies, another is born. As soon as an idea begins, it changes, modifies, or clarifies.
Change is a continuous flow of births and deaths. When change occurs something dies and something new is born. Change generously offers the opportunity for redemption. There is always a new day, a new moment, a new circumstance to begin again. Change wipes the slate clean. It is an enormous blessing. If you see it for what it is, you can see that change is working for you instead of against you. It
forgives your past and offers you the chance to begin again in a new and different way. In this way change is loving.
Each of us must die. Some people fear their own death. Some look forward to it as a way out of life’s difficulties. Death is simply a transition – a movement to another way of being. It is not an end and it is not an escape. It is another in an endless flow of changes in which you participate. It is as natural as the sun rising and setting. The moment of death is a birth into something new. As your birth was a transition from one expression of being to another, so is your death.
Change is good. Unresisted change moves you ever closer to your self. Flowing with your life transitions brings you well being. You cannot alter the fact that change is. Accept it and trust it. Change is your friend. Strive to alter only the way you respond to change. This will bring you happiness.
To learn more about change and acceptance please visit my website, www.wendyhill.com. Let’s learn together.