Those old patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting from childhood get carried forward into the present. Those old patterns that once served us can now hurt us. They can be like invisible ropes that tie us down, that keep us from being happy and healthy. Think for a minute. Does judging, defending, justifying, attacking, or withdrawing really get you what you want? Does it help you to act smaller than you really are? Does it really do good to say what you think others want to hear rather than say what you mean? Does it help you not to say what you want? Is avoiding confrontation and not taking a rightful stand really of value? Does withholding your love get you the love you want? All these things are what we do to avoid pain. We experience unhealthy suffering as a result. Unhealthy suffering is the discomfort we feel when we seek to avoid taking responsibility for our lives and to avoid pain. It is an endless circle of false hope and denial. Healthy suffering is the discomfort we experience when we do something that is difficult for a virtuous cause. Healthy suffering is short-term, intense, and is always followed stronger character and feelings of empowerment and self-esteem. We don't have a choice in life as to whether we suffer or not. We all do. But we do have a choice as to what kind of suffering we will endure.
Part 5: Acknowledging My Resistance
The Important Questions To Ask Yourself
Answer the question(s) that best fits your problem or goal. Then listen or read you answer looking for insights.
1. I admit I have been in denial and I’m ready to move forward.
What is the unresolved burden I carry within myself?
2. What has been my resistance to facing my challenge?
These are my attitudes and behaviors that may have been blocking my ability to take responsibility.
3. How have I rationalized my problem?
What are my self-defeating patterns (thoughts and behaviors) have kept me from acknowledging my problem(s)?
4. What do I know I have to give up in order to meet my challenge responsibly?
5. My health has been suffering.
How might my health problem be a warning sign about some unresolved problem in my life?
6. My relationship is not how I want it to be.
How are my relationship problems a symptom of a deeper problem I have?
What deeper problem?
7. I am not happy and I don’t know why.
This is my guess at what the problem may be.