Saying what you need and want can put you in control of your life. Not saying what you need and want can have upsetting results and can even cause depression and hopelessness. How we communicate is perhaps the most powerful way we create our happiness or unhappiness. Learning to communicate compassionately and effectively is an art form. We learn how to communicate in childhood by watching our parents and others. We see how they communicate…how they attempt to fill their needs. Poor and self-defeating communication patterns are generally passed down generation to generation so we are often taught what not to do and say. Here is the good news: you can learn effective communication skills as an adult.
If you want to get out of your fear of saying what you want consider the power of your subconscious mind and how you can use it to help you overcome your fear. There is a really effective method I call “Secret Dialogue.” I have taught many of my clients this tool and watched it change their lives in amazing ways. Once you learn the basic secret of this skill you can practice on your own and experience your own amazing results.
Basically this is how it works: engage in a spoken conversation with the person in question when the person is not there. (Yes, I know that sounds a little crazy, but do it anyway…) First be yourself speaking then turn tables and respond to what you just said as though you are the other person. If you don’t like the response begin again as yourself and then as the other person responding until you get the response you want, one that serves both of you. Do it over and over until you are satisfied with your communication. While you are doing this “Secret Dialogue” exercise you will have the opportunity to confront your fears. You will have resistance but if you persevere with determination you will eventually teach yourself how to communicate your needs and wants in a positive and helpful way.
Let me know if this works. As a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist in practice in San Diego and Encinitas I would like very much to have your feedback. You can read more about how to have a better life on my website www.wendyhill.com.