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Put Yourself First by Roy Cooper

“You are so selfish. You’re always thinking of yourself first.”  Has anyone ever said that to you?  And what is the first word that comes to mind, that expresses how you feel after hearing that?  Do you feel Guilty?  How old were you when you heard that for the first time?  What are the automatic-images that form in your mind?  Did your parents ever tell you that?  How about your friends?  Many of us also learned in church that we shouldn’t think of ourselves first. So who wouldn’t feel guilty if it appeared to somebody else that we were “only thinking of ourselves” and they told us so.

Shame.  Feeling Ashamed.  I’m not a good person.  Not a good feeling. 

What does it look like?  What does it sound like?  How quickly can it change one’s present nature?  Look in your minds-eye at the person telling you that you’re selfish.  What does the expression on their face look like?  How is the sound of their voice as you hear them utter those harsh words?  What happens to your own physiology?  Does your head drop?  Do you perhaps frown or feel deflated?  You might presently feel all those things or you might feel nothing at all. No reaction, no “charge” associated with selfishness and shame.  Being human however, assures that at some time, we all feel the pain and possible continuing anxiety related to how we think and feel about “taking care of ourselves” or others.  I know people who always put themselves last.  Do you know anybody like that?  Does a little voice inside your head tell you to do things that you know would be beneficial, yet you never seem to find that time for yourself?  It was never intended that we suffer.  And you don’t have to.  If you’ve been unable to change a habit, and want to there is a way.  The process that can modify behavior permanently involves accessing the subconscious mind, and arriving at the “root cause” of the conflict that keeps us blocked.  I’ll provide contact information for a highly educated, experienced, successful professional at the end of the article.  Her decades of experience, and countless testimonials, but mostly her easy, warm nature tend to give one the feeling that “you’ve known her forever”. You are a good person, and you should and can feel good about yourself and life.

One of the most amazing aspects of the human being connected into a dynamic growth process, is that we learn to recognize “opposites” or different “perspectives” and all the layers that reveal to the student of life on the other side of the shame, embarrassment, and guilt that “we learn at a tender age”. Can you see how “putting yourself first” could at times be a good thing?  Can you see how “in a way” absolutely putting yourself first, is a good thing?  If you’ve been onboard a commercial flight, you’ve heard something similar to this: “Ladies and gentlemen, if cabin pressure drops, an oxygen mask will drop down in front of you.  Place your mask securely around your nose and mouth before assisting others.”  If your young son or daughter was seated next to you, would your initial tendency be to help them put their mask on first?  There is a reason that announcement is made, and when we’re able to view the intent through the lens of proper perspective, we arrive in a world with healthy balance with the understanding that before we can be of greatest benefit to others, we first must ourselves be healthy and capable.  This brief article is just the tip of the iceberg regarding this subject, and to understand it well to understand that it all begins within is to recognize how truly powerful you are, as a reflection of your primary relationship.  And it could very well be, that you can’t accurately define your “primary relationship”.  Many think they know but don’t, having not yet arrived at inner truth.  It takes some effort, and that’s why it’s vital to have a coach who can ask the right questions and take you there in the shortest time. 

About 25 years ago, a man who I highly respected, who was the epitome of professionalism in every way, and in a management position above me in an international firm, told the story of his most embarrassing moment in life.  He was on a flight, half-asleep, and in some turbulence, air masks deployed but not the one in front of him.  His grabbed the mask in front of the elderly little white-haired old lady sitting next to him and had it around his face before he realized what he was doing.  Now “that” would probably not be an appropriate time “to put yourself first”.  We later discussed that story, and it became clear how events in his childhood likely created that automatic and embarrassing response.   His “child-self” responded, and it was unconscious and automatic completely detached from the maturity level that logically should exist in an adult.  A behavior from an initial sensitizing event and high-impact moment dictated the nature of his current reality.  Do you find yourself “reacting” rather than acting?  You’re not alone; we all have many child selves, who seem to show up at the worst possible times.  There are solutions, if you work with a therapist who treats the problem, not the symptom.   

What are the ways in which you can better care for yourself, and thereby, be of greater service to every other being with whom you interact?  What steps do you need to take, to get started down the right path?  How many times have you tried?  Don’t beat yourself up; you are just being human.  The really good news, is that individual access can be gained to the powerful subconscious mind where all memories are stored.  A competent therapist can guide you to the intersection where “discovery” meets “transformation” permitting behavioral change.  This process is often the fastest, most affordable, and effective way to improve any area of your life. 

Discover how to appropriately and responsibly see yourself in a new light one that serves humanity and creates happiness not previously known when you “put yourself first” in a way that transforms shame into selfless contribution.   

Wendy Hill can help you reveal and step into the greatest expression of your true self – the person you were always intended to be.  It’s not supposed to be hard.  “We” make it difficult.  If you desire and offer your permission you can be reunited with a life that is happier, richer, fuller and more satisfying. 

Call Wendy Hill, M.A., at 760-994-9296 or visit  to view her extraordinary experience. 

A short video provides a nice introduction. 

The author, R.D. Cooper, C.Ht  has maintained a curiosity regarding deeper sense of self, connectedness to others, nature, and the spiritual dimension for over 25-years.  He is a student, teacher, and guide who believes: Logically, if unconscious beliefs largely guide daily behavior, either limiting or empowering … why wouldn’t people want to truly understand how to powerfully step into The Greatest Reality Show on Earth … the one they write the script for everyday … and unlock the full potential of their original blueprint?  Hypnotherapy does just that.

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