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Narcissistic Mother: Impossible To Stay & Impossible To Leave

Are you a son or daughter of a narcissistic mother? Do you feel guilty about leaving or cutting her off but find it soul-robbing to stay? This is the common double bind that children of narcissistic parents experience. A narcissistic mother is primarily concerned with only herself, has (often hidden) low self-esteem, shames and criticizes her children while at the same time says she sacrifices herself for them, emotionally abandons, and leaves her children feeling they can never measure up. Now imagine living with this from the time you are a vulnerable, fragile, infant, completely open with no defenses. You need your mother to survive so you quickly learn to stuff your feelings and act in ways that you think will please or at least not offend her. You seldom feel safe. You become afraid to make mistakes, experiment, or be yourself. You become angry at your mother and yourself but cannot dare to express your feelings. You lose the chance to find your true self. So by the time you are old enough to take care of yourself you are deeply conditioned to be afraid to being who you were meant to be. You are disconnected from your true self and may have a dependency on mother that constantly pulls you in to her. You can’t stay and you can’t leave without feeling guilty. You are caught in the double bind that children of narcissistic parents experience. Sometimes the mother herself will seek you out, even stalk you emotionally or physically in order to keep you in her life. Obligatory phone calls, emails, visits, etc. become your way of life…you emotional lifeline.  Emotionally you believe you need a mother to be happy. Actually you do not. You can become your own mother to your wounded inner child. You can free yourself from this double bind but it takes some doing. You have to face the truth of your dysfunctional childhood and your fear of your deeper emotions. Emotionally non-judgmental counseling coupled with processes that allow you to safely explore your feelings and memories is very important. You can learn how to connect with and love the wounded child within yourself and in doing so heal the wounds of being a child of a narcissistic mother.

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