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My Husband Wants Sex; I Want Communication

Over the years as a therapist working with couples I have seen the problem of sex versus communication repeatedly. He complains that his wife or girlfriend isn’t initiating sex or is avoiding sex. She complains that if he would spend some quality communication time with her she would be more responsive. He says he feels rejected. She say she feels rejected. Both are waiting for the other to do ‘the right thing.’ Relationship is a complicated thing and there are often many other factors to further complicate this issue. However, much of this problem can be resolved by implementing some simple ground rules. Simply put men are comforted by sex and women are comforted by communication. Neither are wrong and both have a right to fulfill their needs. However, neither should have the expectation that their needs be filled without giving. Do you remember he lyric, “You’ve got to give a little, take a little, and let your poor heart break a little…?” This lyric got it right. If you want something you’ve got to give something. Often that means a little sacrifice. Man, reach out to your woman with some patience and compassion. Take a break from your “projects” (TV or whatever) and listen to her and talk to her. Do this every day. Woman, make yourself clean and pretty. No major make up or make over is necessary. Just look your best. Reach out to him and do little things for him. In a short time a spark will happen. Believe it. If not, seek counseling because there is something else going on that needs to be addressed. Meantime, talk, listen, touch, and make love.

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