Your thoughts and decisions you make during your high impact moments will always interpret into certain behavior patterns. Some patterns last a lifetime. Some are helpful. Some are self destructive. Remember that decisions you made as an infant or child were made by an immature mind. Behavior patterns that follow will also be immature in their attempts to meet needs. Learn how behavior patterns come into being.
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You learn who you are during your childhood. At least you learn who you think you are. You develop perceptions of your worthiness, safety, lovability, goodness, and ability to succeed. -Conflicting experiences in your childhood cause you to have -conflicting beliefs about yourself. These conflicting beliefs influence your emotions and your actions. Emotions and actions develop into patterns that repeat over and over again. They -become familiar and automatic to you. You develop patterns of thought, feeling, and action. For example, you may have particular patterns of thinking, feeling, and acting when you are under stress. You have learned how to deal with problems in predictable ways. These patterns can be observed in every aspect of your life. They are predictable and consistent. You are continually responding to your early life programming.
Joe wanted to talk about his feelings of confusion regarding relationships. He had been divorced for several years and wanted another relationship but did not trust himself. He was afraid that he would repeat certain patterns from his past. In therapy he recalled his fetal and birth experience. He recalled hearing music and having feelings of well-being while inside his mother’s womb. At four days old he was adopted. He was not to see his mother again until he was in his forties. The experience of separation at birth from his natural mother was profoundly upsetting. He experienced feelings of separation and abandonment and decided that people he loved would leave him. He felt unsafe, unloved, vulnerable, and frightened. This experience set a pattern of abandonment-related behaviors which followed him through his life. He rarely felt safe or loved for very long. Either he would leave or be left by people he loved. When he realized the genesis of this pattern he was able to consciously see why he behaved as he did. He could see that not all people he loved would leave him. His adult mind was able to see what his infant mind could not, that his separation from his birth mother did not put him in danger nor did it mean that he was not lovable. Joe realized that as an adult he was reacting to core beliefs formed at birth during high impact moments. Joe felt as though a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders, a burden he had not even realized he carried.
A number of times as an adult Joe had initiated searches for his birth mother but ran into too much red tape so he gave up. Now he was inspired to look again. As often happens when we transform a negative core belief into a positive core belief, doors begin to open. Joe found his birth mother very quickly. He met with her and discovered that she was a concert pianist. The music he remembered hearing in his mother’s womb was her practicing on the piano during the long months of pregnancy. She was practicing certain pieces that Joe loves to this day. Now he knows why he loves those particular pieces. He heard them while in his mother’s womb.
Joe became a believer in the power of self-transformation. But what happened next truly confirmed its power. Shortly after this healing, Joe went to a lecture his ex-wife was giving. He quietly and inconspicuously sat in the back of the room. He had not spoken to her in years. At the end of the lecture she approached him and they decided to go out for coffee.
Joe, having transformed his core beliefs, no longer needed to repeat his pattern of abandonment. His core beliefs had changed, altering how he felt and responded in his relationships. He was learning to feel safe and loved on the deepest level. One thing led to another and he remarried his ex-wife. Today they are working together raising their children, the fruits of their second union in marriage. They are living the life that they had originally planned before Joe had unconsciously undermined it years earlier. His willingness to do his inner work opened the door to a better life. To Joe this is nothing less than a miracle.