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Narcissistic Mother: Programs Who You Will Marry Tom’s Story

Tom came to me several years ago having just been discovered by his wife as having an affair. His wife was unforgiving and was making his life hell. Tom wanted to keep the marriage but didn’t know how to bring peace to it. After several sessions it became clear that Tom’s affair was a desperate attempt at finding acceptance. His wife was critical and demanding. Her feelings always came first and Tom had learned over the years to cater to her in order to avoid being criticized. This way to relating had lasted the entire ten years of their marriage. Fortunately there were no children. Finally in desperation Tom had an affair in which he found some comfort and understanding. Without realizing it Tom had married someone like his own demanding narcissistic mother. He had been conditioned in childhood to believe that this is what love, relationship, and marriage must be. His subconscious mind could see no other way of being in a relationship. Once he realized what he had unconsciously done he began to see that he did deserve to be in a nurturing relationship and that his needs were important as well. He began to take a stand with his wife who continued to play the hapless victim and refused to go to counseling with Tom. Finally Tom left his narcissistic wife and married the woman with whom he had an affair.


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