Lying about something so central to who you are to someone you love is against moral values. But let’s consider the case for lying about an affair and see what you think. First let’s make a distinction between remaining silent, which is a form of lying, and lying when confronted directly by your partner. Here I write about the latter: if your partner confronts you about an affair and you lie. The benefit of doing this is that you can avoid the problems that telling the truth can bring. As I wrote previously lies are always perceived on some level and can by their nature create an undercurrent of mistrust. However, if your partner is steeped deep in denial then a lie may be exactly what they want. In the old song “Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue” they lyrics go “Tell me no secrets. Tell me some lies.” Clearly this person in spite of the fact that they may have confronted their lover with an affair prefers to remain in the dark. Relationships that are based more on surface values may flourish with lies. Lying can keep the status quo in a relationship when both partners have an unspoken and subconscious agreement to keep secrets. Telling the truth to each other will propel them into conflict that may or may not eventually elevate their values to a higher level and keep them together as a couple.