Are you stuck in a broken heart, resentment, depression, or a longing for someone? Do you want to get out of those feelings and move on with your life? Well, take heart. You’re not alone. And there are some really great things you can do to take back your heart and take back your life. Here is some insight and some good tips on how to get over a relationship.
Letting go can be very difficult especially if you have come to define yourself as belonging to the relationship. In truth you may be having an identity crisis. All the good and fun things about the relationship were a part of how you saw yourself. You may be experiencing a loss of identity because you are no longer in the relationship. For example, if you were married to this person you may have difficulty seeing yourself as a non-married person. If the person is accomplished you may have identified yourself as a part of that accomplishment and have difficulty separating from it. If the person had a great family you may experience upsetting feelings from being separate from the family. There are so many ways in which you may have defined who you are in relation to that person. You may even feel like you have lost value as a person. Don’t despair. There is hope. You can recover.
Setting aside an identity crisis you may be just broken hearted over a loss of love, affection, companionship, and support. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the feelings of loss. Losing a relationship can feel like a death has occurred. Don’t feel hopeless. There is life after this kind of death.
Perhaps the relationship was toxic and you recognize that getting out was for the best. Even so you may be feeling a loss. You may be feeling resentment or confusion about what happened and how you feel. Don’t give up. Help is on the way.
There are three steps you can take that will put you back on the road to reclaiming your life. The three steps to your freedom are: grieve, get angry, and take positive action. Let’s break this down so you can take total control of your heart and your life.
Step one: Grieve. It doesn’t matter whether your relationship was healthy or toxic. You are still experiencing a loss. Don’t jump to step two, anger, or sideways step to self pity or denial. Face your feelings. For a short time let yourself feel sad. Let yourself feel the loss. You’re allowed. Get down and dirty with it. Recognize that your inner child is sensitive and is feeling all the loss. Let that little kid inside you cry. Tell your little kid that the relationship is over and that things will never be the same again. That may sound harsh but saying this allows you to face the facts and move on. Tell your little kid that things will get better but that it’s important to feel the sadness. Cry. Come on. Let it out. Your tears were meant to cleanse and heal you. So cry. It may come in waves. Give yourself a little time to go through the grieving process. Don’t draw it out. Don’t cut it short. You’ll know when it’s time to stop. If you can’t seem to allow yourself to grieve you may have a pattern of cutting off your feelings. Seriously consider calling a professional therapist to help you open up.
Step two: Get angry. Tell yourself that you are worthy and that you are not going to allow this to rob you of your happiness. You might make a list of all the things in the relationship that were not healthy. Write down the deal breakers, the things that you know in your heart and in your mind that were not good for either of you. Put that list up where you can see it. Take the list with you and read it when you feel like you are losing perspective. Acknowledge the bad things. Tell yourself that you deserve better. Get angry. Imagine that the other person is sitting in front of you. Tell them what you are feeling and let yourself feel your righteous indignation. Say, “I am worthy. I don’t need you to make me feel happy.” Speak out loud to yourself. Say out loud, “I am worthy. I am myself.” Repeat it. Use your anger to get strong. Feel the determination to be your own person. If you can’t get angry you may have a pattern of blocking your feelings. Call a counselor to obtain help in getting in touch with your feelings.
Step three: Take positive action. Watch out for that demon self pity. Don’t sit around and mope. Don’t think about all the good times lost. Shift your focus to something that will require your attention. The most powerful thing you can do is find some way to help others. Doing so will bring you a sense of purpose and well being. It will give you a new way to define yourself. You are you. And that is special. You have special gifts separate from any one else. Use them.
Take charge of your life. Take charge of your heart. Reclaim who you are. You will find you are probably a better person than you thought you were. Don’t wallow in self pity. You are too precious to do that. You can do this. Just follow the steps: grieve, get angry, and take positive action. If you feel you need help then call a professional. They can help you get through the tough moments. But remember that you are worthy and a precious human expression of your creator.