Are you married and live in the San Diego or Encintias area? Here is some marriage advice that may help enrich your life. Emotional and spiritual maturity are essential elements for a happy marriage. There are three vital acts you can carry out on a continuing basis that can help guarantee a happy marriage and a happy life. This is the third in a series of articles describing the three vital acts. The first vital act is setting healthy boundaries. The second is communicating what you want. And the third is giving with genuine loving intention. Commit to doing these three vital acts and you can have a happy relationship and a happy life. For more information on setting healthy boundaries and communicating what you want please see the companion articles.
Giving with loving intention is one of the most powerful ways of creating a happy relationship. Your intention, the mental attitude and feelings of how you approach a relationship, can enhance or destroy it. Acting with loving intention requires trust, patience, courage, forgiveness, and humility. The problem is we don’t always feel loving, patient, courageous, forgiving or humble. In fact, most people are focused on what they want when they want it. This is human nature. It is also human to avoid discomfort and since patience, courage, forgiveness, and humility are often uncomfortable experiences most people tend to avoid such virtues. Hence, many relationships are fraught with some degree of impatience, fear, resentment, and ego gratification. This is human.
So how can we change this human tendency to avoid truly giving with loving intention? The answer is simple. Realization. When you realize that it benefits you and everyone else to give with loving intention, you then give with loving intention. You find a way to deal with and eradicate negative feelings and motives.
Consider for a moment how self defeating impatience, fear, resentment, and ego gratification are. No one benefits. In fact, acting with these characteristics as a part of your intention, hidden or overt, only creates an adverse reaction. No matter how well hidden your motive, how well your negative feelings are guised by seemingly sincere words or acts, your underlying intention is always perceived by others. Genuine kindness is always perceived as genuine kindness. Kindness with hidden agenda is always confusing and is perceived as insincere. If you want be loved you must love. If you want to be happy you must give up your ego need to be right and to have things always be the way you want them to be when you want them to be.
Set aside your impatience and slow yourself down. Be patient. Tell yourself that you are giving a wonderful gift to your partner and that in giving that gift you are receiving a wonderful gift in return. If you carry fear ask yourself what it is you fear and find a way to conquer it. Fear and love do not live in the same house. If you harbor resentments from the past, let them go. Find a way to live in the present. Holding on to past hurts only makes you a bitter, unhappy person. Let go of resentments. Forgive. If you have a big ego and must always have control or be right about things, find a way to transform yourself. A big ego has no room for love. You will be alone in your feigned righteousness.
Give with loving intention. Be kind with your words. Don’t use sarcasm or put downs. Think of the comfort and joy you are bringing to your partner and to everyone around you. Think of the joy and comfort you are bringing to yourself. Go out of your way to do little things that show you care. Small deeds with love send powerful messages and are reacted to instantly and automatically.
You can turn your life around in an instant if you give with loving intention. Open your heart, reach out, forgive, and be generous. Endure the discomfort that comes with letting go of ego attachments, being patient, and humble. If you find these things too difficult to do, consider counseling with a professional. Learn about your subconscious core beliefs. Find a way to transform yourself. You will be the one who wins in the end.
To learn more about the three vital acts look for the companion articles of First Vital Act: Setting Healthy Boundaries and Second Vital Act: Communicate What You Want.
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