Let Your Children Know They Are Not Their Mistakes

How you address your children’s mistakes can have a life time effect on them. Over the years in my practice I have seen countless times the devastating results of critical parents. It seems to me to be unbelievable that a parent would say, “You can’t do anything right,” or “You’ll never amount to anything,” or “What a stupid thing to do,” or ” You’ll never learn.” Yet when I take a new client’s history they often tell me that a parent spoke to them using such shaming words. It still rings in their ears and directs their lives. Children see their parents as gods. Whatever you say to them is according to them coming directly from the voice of a god and they accept your words as gospel. Even a casual sigh of frustration, a frown, or tone in the voice will be interpreted by your child as meaning they have made some unforgivable mistake. Let your children know that mistakes are a very important part of learning. In fact, mistakes are the cornerstone of learning. We humans are, of course, not perfect. We need to view our mistakes as little gifts that help direct us in the right direction. And help your children know that they are not their mistakes. Let them know that they are perfect in their essence and that their mistakes are just tools for growth.