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Having An Affair: Should I Tell?

Are you in a committed relationship and are you having or have you had an affair? Are you feeling guilty and want to tell your partner to get it off your chest? Do you have the urge to tell your partner so you could have a new start? Do you want to keep the affair a secret in order to keep the peace? It’s worth thinking about your motives both for having an affair and for the consequences of telling or not telling your partner. First to consider is why you have had or are having an affair. Some people unconsciously have an affair in order to end the relationship. Others have an affair to punish a partner for some perceived wrong doing. Some have an affair in order to feel younger or to fulfill a need for attention and love. Some have affairs because they were unconsciously programmed to do so during childhood. Some have multiple affairs and some have one. Whatever your reason or motivation for having an affair consider the consequences of telling. If you tell your partner the truth it is likely to undermine any trust that has been built and may well end the relationship. This may be what you unconsciously want. Telling may also open the door to beginning anew. Doing this requires that both people have a level of maturity to be able to negotiate through the emotions of betrayal and look more deeply into the self. Either way it is helpful to get counseling. Whether you are the one having an affair or the one who is betrayed by a partner who is having an affair this is an opportunity for you to grow. Come to understand your motivations and your childhood programming about relationships. Remember that no matter what conflicts you face in life and relationship, those conflicts are an opportunity for you to grow and come closer to inner peace.

Wendy Hill, M.A. is a San Diego and Encinitas, California based hypnotherapist and counselor. She specialized in relationships and overcoming life’s difficult conflicts.

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