Narcissistic Mother: Claiming Your Freedom

Often a narcissistic mother will hold hostage her child, especially her daughter. Through criticism and control Mother will cause her daughter to be dependent upon her for approval which seldom comes unless it benefits Mother’s image of herself. The child keeps going back for approval and Mother keeps denying it. You can become stuck in this pattern, ever hopeful that Mother will at last become a decent and loving parent. This will likely never happen. To free yourself you must first recognize the trap in which you find yourself. Give up hope that Mother will change. Narcissists seldom change and do resist therapy. Giving up hope is the beginning of healing. It is sad and will cause you real discomfort when you finally admit this to yourself. But when you do a secret door opens and you can find your way through it and out into freedom. One emotion that become repressed is the emotion of anger. You may be aware of your anger but you may have had no productive way to express and release it. Mother would never stand for that. A part of becoming free of this dependence on Mother’s approval is the expression and release of your anger. There are therapeutic processes like the Pillow Hit that allow you to really ‘go for it’ and let your rage fly in a safe way in a safe environment. A good therapist who specializes in helping emotional release will help you with this. Once you express your anger you begin to feel better and that is the beginning of looking to yourself for your approval, not Mother.