Dear One you tell me that you can’t remember things from your childhood but that you do remember your father yelling and your mother being angry at him. You do remember being a child when your parents were in constant conflict and divorced. But you say that it didn’t bother you. How is it possible that these things didn’t bother you? How could they not devastate any child? You tell me you looked at porn at an early age and that you would shop lift and that later you got caught for illegal activity. Why do you think a child would do such things? You had to find some way to express your unacknowledged feelings and try to feel safe and OK. Dear One until you acknowledge your feelings from these past childhood conflicts you will continue to have the anxiety and depression you are currently experiencing. Use you will to break through to your feelings. Realize that you are safe now to acknowledge and express them. You are no longer trapped in childhood. Your feelings are a vital part of your well being. They help you cope with and release conflict. You emotions used responsibly will help free you from the binds that restrict you. Tell yourself these things and use your will to free yourself. Feel.
A Little Meditation Is Good
Meditation can be difficult for most people and most tend to give up after their first attempt at stilling themselves. If you are one of many who thinks you can’t meditate don’t despair. Even a few minutes of quiet time with your eyes closed is beneficial. Just a few minutes! How could something so simple as sitting still for a few minutes with your eyes closed be helpful in any way? The answer is simple. Sitting quietly with your eyes closed forces you to shift your attention from what’s happening outside yourself to what’s happening inside yourself. This simple act automatically places you in a position to not only calm yourself but to solve problems and to connect with your true self. “So what,” you may say, “whenever I turn my attention to what’s happening inside of me all I see is random conflicting thoughts about my day or the problems I have or what I’m supposed to be doing that’s more productive than just sitting.” Again, don’t despair. Once you get beyond the 10 to 20 minute mark you begin to calm even more and this allows your subconscious mind to begin to work in your favor. You don’t have to do anything. Just enjoy the peace that begins to fill you. Don’t go to sleep. Simply feel the peace. Doing a little meditation daily along with moderate exercise, healthy food, and a positive attitude will bring you greater health and happiness. Add meditation to your daily routine.
Rise Above the Drama
Dear One we all are faced with the ups and downs of life. Life is filled with conflict and drama and we can sometimes take a terrible ride as life seems to batter us about. People, changing circumstances, the economy, our health, lost loves, just change in itself can take us on this bumpy ride. One of life’s lessons is to learn to rise above this drama and connect with something that I call the “evermore” within ourselves. That “evermore” part within is the part that never changes, It is joyful, loving, and gives us with a perspective that allows us to feel safe no matter what. It is your anchor. If on a daily basis you go to this part of yourself and spend some time there you will build a connection that will become a part of your conscious mind. It will help suspend you above the drama of life’s ups and downs. Even just a moment remembering this part of yourself can uplift you and give you the courage and perspective needed to face any problem. Remember that you are “evermore” and though you are in a body, you are not your body. You are a child of God and will always be loved and safe in that reality.
Lip Service
Do you tend to tell people what you think they want to hear? Do you say you will call someone when you have no intention of calling? Do you give compliments you don’t really mean? Do you make promises that seem to be true in the moment but fall apart later? If you do any of these things perhaps you are one who gives lip service. Did you know that lip service not only undermines the trust of others but undermines you? How does it do that? First understand that you give lip service in order to be liked and accepted in the moment. It’s your way of buying someone’s loyalty. You feel not so alone as though you have done something nice for someone who now owes you his or her allegiance. It’s a scam. And it falls apart very quickly causing hurt and disillusionment in others. And for you it helps create what you fear most: being alone. It also helps create for you a bad reputation. Most can see someone who gives lip service coming from afar. It’s their own need to be loved that buys into it temporarily. Ah, what a tangled web we weave…We all have something to learn from both sides of lip service.
You Can Learn To Focus
Janet has a profound ability to focus. She wasn’t born that way. She learned to focus. One day she realized that she was undermining herself every time she got impatient and didn’t finish a job or project. She decided to learn to focus and practiced it consciously every day. Gradually her ability to focus improved and she began to see tangible results in her life. The ability to focus is a cornerstone of success. People with ADD have a more difficult time succeeding because they cannot stay focused on anything long enough to see it through to fruition. If you find that you get distracted or bored easily take a look at your life disappointments and see if your past mistakes or failures are in part due to your lack of ability to focus. If you learn that your inability to focus is a problem then know that you can learn to focus. Be life Janet. Decide to put in a conscious effort every day to discipline yourself. Every time you feel yourself slipping stop and tell yourself to stick with the program. You will learn to focus and your life success will reflect it.
Religious Arrogance
Dear One we met at a wedding recently and we sat at the same table during the reception. Your blue eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as you spoke of your career. Placed subtly between the lines was your deeper commitment to your religious beliefs. It was somewhat charming although I felt the steel beneath the friendly banter. Later when the party had become a small group you began to judge others as sinners. You were critical of public personalities and others who didn’t believe as you did and made statements like, “Some day they will see the light.” Your physical energy was aggressive and said that no one dare to cross you otherwise they would get a mouth full of your judgments. I remained quiet. I saw no benefit in engaging with you at this point since it was clear that you wanted to be in charge of the direction of the conversation and closed to another point of view. I could not help but reflect on the souls I have known in the past whose manner and presence told of tolerance and humility while embracing a clear and steady belief in their inner truths. Your religious arrogance told me that perhaps you have a ways to go in truly understanding and living the meaning of your religion. Super charged religious zealots like yourself tend to deny their religion while at the same time “selling” it. Dear One look within at how you present yourself. Are you a true representative of love and tolerance?
Pettiness
Dear One stop and think for a bit. You tell me you are angry at your friend that you have known for many years. You gossip about her as thought she had done something mean to you. Any yet when you tell me about what you think she did it amounts to nothing. Her friend cancelled coming to your party after you had planned to have him there and you had paid for his ‘plate’. So you blame your friend. Think a minute about what you are doing. Your pettiness may end the friendship. Is that what you want? Is it not better to consider why you are feeling the way you do and face your own shortcoming? I know it’s humbling and difficult to look at yourself. I know it’s easier to blame another for how you feel, to be a victim. But that pattern only repeats itself and you end up bitter and and angry. Facing yourself and the pain of doing that only last for a time. And once you take full responsibility for your experience you can change your attitude and as a result you are not only a better person, you find peace of mind. Dear One drop your pettiness. So you made a mistake. You’re only human. Let it go and love your friend. You both deserve it.
Unrequited Love (Continued 2)
Bob loved Mary but married Susan because Mary wanted to remain friends. Susan did all the social things that Bob liked to do so Bob thought Susan to be a good match even though he didn’t love her. Since it wasn’t Bob’s life choice to question his own motives or examine his feelings he ignored his heart ache and told to himself that he was doing the right thing. He and Susan had never had any in depth conversations about goals, spiritual beliefs, and the like. Their relationship was based on superficial likes and dislikes but because Susan was beautiful and successful as a model, Bob thought her a catch. Bob wasn’t paying attention, something Bob did a lot. So when he married Susan he didn’t at first notice Susan’s increased drinking and critical attitude. Gradually Susan became more abusive and controlling and Bob began to feel trapped in a marriage with someone he didn’t love. One day he called Mary. His longing for her had never ceased. Mary was kind and friendly but refused to meet Bob in any other way than a friend. Bob was again emotionally wounded and sunk into a depression. Because Bob didn’t want to face his initial pain at not having Mary as a wife and refused to examine his own shortcomings, Bob found himself trapped in a marriage with a woman he didn’t love and in a depression in which he felt hopeless to leave. Had Bob been willing to face his pain in the beginning he would not have married Susan. He might have remained a single man, something he didn’t want, but he would have had a chance at finding happiness.
Unrequited Love (Continued)
Bob met Susan who he liked. Susan was a socialite in that she knew all the cool places to go, the best restaurants to visit, the fun things to do. She was beautiful and successful in her business as a model. Even though Bob was still in love with Mary who refused to go beyond friendship, he decided to pursue Susan. Bob and Susan’s growing relationship was based on surface likes and the fact that Susan was beautiful and was professionally successful. They did not share deeper thoughts and goals nor did they share any spiritual or personal growth desires. They just did fun stuff. Gradually Bob was able to see himself and Susan as a couple and told Mary that he could not do things with her as a friend any more. Even though Bob felt this was necessary so he could concentrate on Susan, doing so depressed him as he continued to feel love for Mary. Bob still just “liked” Susan but was driven to be a couple so asked Susan to move in. Finally Bob asked Susan to mary him. As he stood at his wedding he longed for his bride to be Mary. Bob and Susan’s marriage was based on values that were surface and Bob had not yet dealt with his longing for Mary. What do you think happened next? What would you do?
Unrequited Love
Bob’s wife had died several years back and he missed being married. He especially missed having a social secretary. So he got on the internet and began dating women. Bob wanted a woman who was connected with a social life, beautiful, and had some money. As he put it he wanted to be in the “bosom of society” and he was looking for a woman to help put him there. Over time he dated many women, most of who did not measure up to his beauty and money standards. As he put it, “I either dump them or they dump me.” Bob had a sense of humor about it and persevered forward with his one and two date before-dumping-time plan. Over the course of time he continued to return to one woman, Mary, who had “dumped” him but who continued to hold Bob’s interest. Eventually he was able to befriend her in hopes that something romantic would evolve. It never did though they remained friends. Unfortunately for Bob he was in love with Mary and no other woman he dated would measure up to her. While Mary was steadfast in her commitment to no romance with Bob he continued to hope while continuing to date other women. Over time Bob tried to manipulate Mary in various ways, none of which worked and confirmed in Mary’s mind that Bob was not a good catch. Finally Bob got the message that Mary was not going to be romantic and Bob entered into a depression and was filled with frustration. He still could not leave Mary. Bob was a victim of unrequited love. What would you do?