Stress. Can’t live with it. Can’t live without it. What to do about stress? Stress is a given in life. It’s always lurking around the corner waiting to rob you of your peace of mind. It helps to have some good stress reducing tools. Most of us know about making sure we get enough sleep, exercise, and healthy food. We know about meditation and having some alone time for reflection. We may not always do the things we know we need to do to deal with stress but at least we know the basic rules and we do what we can. Here is another tool to add to your tool box for dealing with stress. Most of us know about our inner child and what an important role he/she plays in our attitudes and behaviors. If you are not yet acquainted with your inner child now’s a good time to get started. When you feel overwhelmed with the stresses and demands of the day simply close your eyes and imagine you are talking to your over stressed inner child. Speak out loud. (No, you are not crazy.) Say, “I love you and everything is going to be OK. We are just given an opportunity to grow and we will take that opportunity. You are safe. You are loved. You are worthy. We are going to get through this together and I will do whatever is necessary to solve any problems we may be dealing with here.” Then explain to your inner child the circumstances and how you are going to help. Explain that all things are temporary and that there is a wonderful Spirit that is guiding and protecting. Tell your inner child what he or she needs to know to feel safe and relaxed about things. Make promises that you can and will keep. You will find that talking with your inner child will calm you and give you the perspective you need to move forward in a more relaxed and confident manner.
Rescuing Your Inner Child
Dear One you have for the first time discovered and experienced your inner child. You found her in all her preciousness and in all her loneliness. The love and compassion you felt may have overwhelmed you as you saw how wounded she was and how much she needed your love. And you did love her. And you explained to her that you were her adult self and that you would never leave her and that she was safe. You told her that she had made it through childhood and was no longer stuck in the painful circumstances of her childhood. You told her that she had understandably made a mistake in how she interpreted her circumstances and that she was truly worthy of love. You rescued her from the emotional past she was stuck in and freed her from her self defeating thoughts. And when that was done you opened your eyes and felt amazed at your experience. Dear One reach out to your inner child repeatedly. Rescue her a thousand times. Each time you love her and tell her wonderful truths you are healing yourself and your current life will reflect this healing. You will be more confident, more clear in your thinking, and more able to say and do those things you want to say and do.
Look In The Center
Years ago John Denver wrote a song called “Looking For Space.” He sang, “On the road of experience trying to find my own way sometimes I wish that I could fly away. All alone in the universe, sometimes that’s how it seems. I get lost in the sadness and the screams. Then I look in the center, suddently everything’s clear. I find myself in the sunshine and my dreams.” I believe that John often wrote lyrics from his own experience. When he wrote these lyrics he referred to something that is a universal truth. When you look within yourself, or as John wrote “look in the center,” you find all you need. So often I encourage my clients to trust what they find within themselves. Those memories, intuitive hunches, that knowingness is deep within all of us…if we but look. And as John Denver says “the sadness and the screams” become “sunshine and my dreams.” You find a clarity that gives you new hope and direction. Sometimes my clients tell me that they are afraid to trust themselves because their past actions have gotten them into trouble. I wonder if those troubles were really caused by acting on a deeper wisdom or acting on impulse or unwise desires. I do know and trust this: If you spend time being quiet and sincerely looking within you will find the answers to most all of your questions and concerns. You can trust yourself. Just look in the center.
Cheerful Cooperation
Dear Ones you just returned from sharing a week end retreat in the mountains. Any time people come together for any length of time there is always an opportunity for someone to misinterpret a behavior, find some fault in a person’s actions, or take personally some innocent act. Instead you were consistently cheerful, cooperative, and generous in all you did. One of life’s most important lessons is to learn even mindedness and to anchor one’s identity within the self in an awareness of spirituality immortality. This allows for cheerful cooperation and an enthusiastic participation in all relationships. When you sat down for discussion you spoke of these things and more. You asked questions that opened the door for deeper discussion and offered opportunity for spiritual and personal growth. You were respectful and listened with interest what the others were saying. You allowed for others to have the “stage” and at the same time you asked for time on the ”stage” also. All you did up there at that retreat can only serve you in your every day life. You lived and enjoyed the results of cheerful cooperation. Is it also not true that when people are respectful and kind with each other that that energy is somehow passed on to others even though they were not present?
I’m At A Crossroads
Dear One you are at a crossroads in you life. Your children have grown and your dear husband has passed on. After so many years of being a nurturer and caretaker you are faced with the nurturing and the care of yourself. And you say your feel lost. What do I do? I don’t know what I want. I feel unmotivated. I feel like just sitting in my living room and watching T.V. or reading a book. This is perfectly understandable. Old habits die hard and you have been in the habit of helping others, anticipating what others may need from you and giving it to them. Seldom did you consider your own needs or desires. Perhaps you may think that God brought you into this life to do what you have been doing for so many years and now that it’s over you have no purpose. Dear One consider that this time in your life is a new chance at living a new purpose. But, you say, I don’t know what that is! The answer is inside of you. All you need to do is to look within yourself. Look deep. If at first you don’t get an answer then look deeper and keep looking. The answer may come slowly at first and in bits and pieces, but it will come. No one knows better than you what your life purpose is now. Trust yourself. You have the answer and deep within you is the source. Within you is a well of intuitive knowledge. Go and find it. It’s your treasure!
Having An Affair: Should I Tell?
Are you in a committed relationship and are you having or have you had an affair? Are you feeling guilty and want to tell your partner to get it off your chest? Do you have the urge to tell your partner so you could have a new start? Do you want to keep the affair a secret in order to keep the peace? It’s worth thinking about your motives both for having an affair and for the consequences of telling or not telling your partner. First to consider is why you have had or are having an affair. Some people unconsciously have an affair in order to end the relationship. Others have an affair to punish a partner for some perceived wrong doing. Some have an affair in order to feel younger or to fulfill a need for attention and love. Some have affairs because they were unconsciously programmed to do so during childhood. Some have multiple affairs and some have one. Whatever your reason or motivation for having an affair consider the consequences of telling. If you tell your partner the truth it is likely to undermine any trust that has been built and may well end the relationship. This may be what you unconsciously want. Telling may also open the door to beginning anew. Doing this requires that both people have a level of maturity to be able to negotiate through the emotions of betrayal and look more deeply into the self. Either way it is helpful to get counseling. Whether you are the one having an affair or the one who is betrayed by a partner who is having an affair this is an opportunity for you to grow. Come to understand your motivations and your childhood programming about relationships. Remember that no matter what conflicts you face in life and relationship, those conflicts are an opportunity for you to grow and come closer to inner peace.
Wendy Hill, M.A. is a San Diego and Encinitas, California based hypnotherapist and counselor. She specialized in relationships and overcoming life’s difficult conflicts. www.wendyhill.com.
Dance To My Music
Dear One you have taken my songs and danced your heart out expressing the depth of your soul’s longing for Spirit. How touching your movements are that I want to share them with my world as you have on YouTube.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dJYi1NfGY4&feature=youtube_gdata_player
You have danced here in the video above to “On The Wind,” a song about the little voice that is in all of us that tells us what we need to know about ourselves. “It’s on the wind. It’s blowing hard. It’s meant to awaken me. It’s meant for me to see. Oh, don’t go for another day hiding from the truth. Oh, don’t go for another day hiding from the truth.” I wrote this song for my DVD workshop, The Call To Adventure. It’s a workshop designed to assist people in being their own therapist. You, Dear One, have embraced this song with your whole body. Every move reflects your desire for Truth and a knowledge of how finding Truth requires Warrior Spirit. When you were participating in The Renaissance Experience Workshop (five day intensive program) you demonstrated Warrior Spirit and inspired all of us. I know your desire for Truth will always call to you in your life and lead you to where you need to go to find peace. Thank you for your generous giving.
Willie’s Loves
Willie, my two year old labradoodle, comes to work with me every day. His job is to make everyone smile. When someone enters into the waiting room Willie can hear them. He raises his head in expectation, looks at the closed door to my inner office, and then looks at me as though to say, “Please, please let me run out and discover who’s there!” So I say, “OK, Willie, let’s go see who’s there.” If the person in the waiting room is a new client I squeeze through the door so as to not allow Willie to pass. I go greet the new person and say, “Do you like dogs? Because there is someone who can’t wait to meet you.” Fortunately no one has said that they don’t like dogs. So I say, “His name is Willie and he’s a two year old fur ball.” With that I open the door and Willie comes dashing out to meet his new person. Willie is so friendly and eager to say hello that immediately his eagerness is returned with at big smile. On occasion he is greeted back with what I call a “cute attack”. A “cute attack” is when Willie’s cuteness (which is considerable) elicits and uncontrolled moment of adoration. Sometimes those moment of adoration go on for a while. It can’t be helped. Willie has many loves.
How To Stay Even Minded
When we are children we have an abundance of energy and emotion that we have not yet learned how to focus. As we mature we begin to hone our ability to harness this energy and emotion and direct it where we want it to go. But even mindedness is not easily achieved. The ups and downs of life can throw us off and we can end up taking a bumpy ride if we don’t learn how to focus our energies and emotions in a productive way. So how do you stay even minded? Some think that even mindedness can be achieved if you distract yourself with activity or if you focus on your work in a single minded manner or if you shut off your emotions. The truth is that even mindedness can be achieved by finding a spiritual anchor within the self. This spiritual anchor is a connection to that which is calm, loving, safe, and joyful. It rises above the ups and downs of life and connects you to that which is unchanging. If you have this connection, whether you are religious, spiritual, or otherwise, you can be even minded realizing that your safety, worthiness, and love are not dependent on what goes on in your every day life, but is guaranteed by your connection to this unchanging spiritual knowledge.
Humans Are Human
Being a therapist for over thirty years has given me many gifts. What an honor to have so many people share their hopes and fears with me over the years. But I have become the student. My clients have taught me many things. One of the most helpful things they have taught me is understanding that everyone is flawed and that that’s no crime. Humans are human. Now this may seem to be something that should be obvious and simple to accept. But think for a minute about how critical people are of themselves. It seems to be human nature to think there is something wrong with yourself if you make mistakes or are not perfect and to believe that there are people out there who don’t make mistakes. I know. You may still be thinking that it’s a no-brainer to realize that no one is perfect. But there is something very compelling about experiencing over thirty years of all kinds of people all of whom share at least one thing in common: they are all struggling with their imperfections. Flaws haunt even people who in my youth I might have seen out in public and thought, “There’s someone who has no problems.” So, thank you, dear clients, for teaching me greater understanding, tolerance, compassion, and capacity to forgive. I pray you forgive me for being human, as well.